Its been a year since I have written in this blog - mostly because I have a serious issue with being able to sit down and find the time. Commitments have always been a struggle for me. Mostly when the commitments involving having to sit down and focus. I suspect that says a lot about my personality, my weaknesses and my strengths.
The Year of 2011 has truly been one of the hardest years of my life - I tried desperately to take the higher road on many things - and have learnt that sometimes you need to kick and scream - then on other situations I kicked and screamed where I should have taken the higher road - and just accepted and moved on. In the end, I feel better about myself when I take the higher road. When I just accept things for what they are, and move on after a good cry on a couch with a stiff drink in hand.
Throughout all the drama in my life this year - with " crazy beth " and personal relationship issues I have learnt that in the end .. I desperately want the people around me to be happy - and sometimes that means letting go of people that mean the most to you. The old cliche of letting something go - is actually in many cases - very real - except - I do not expect it to come back. As Mick Jaggar says " you cant always get what you want " ...
As much drama that I had in 2011 - I will take from the year some amazing moments - realizing my personal strength as I dived into the water at 3 a.m. in a storm to keep the family safe. Watching my daughter blossom after her first week away on her own at stay away camp and Niagara Wine Tasting - seeing burton cummings live .. what an amazing man he is. And having old friends come back into my life after a long absence - these things have all brought me big smiles and tears.
The year of 2012 I hope will bring continued personal growth. I constantly strive to be gracious. I have always owned up to my mistakes and errors. Now its time to work on being humble and accepting. I have been told that I am fiercely independent. And for some reason always took a dislike to that term. Today, I realized its not the word independent that I object to - as I hope that is one trait I am able to teach my daughter - but the word fierce. Fierce to me seems like such a negative word. Scary word. And somewhat of a violent word. But now sitting back, combining the words together " fiercely independent " I look at them and say I would rather be fiercely independent - knowing how to take care of myself - then be dependent on others. Because in the end, only you can be responsible for you.
So all in all 2011 has been a challenging year ... but I will embrace what I learnt and move on to 2012 with an adventure with my amazing daughter at my side.
